7-day survival guide

7-day survival guide image

I am definitely not the first guy this has ever happened to, and I won’t be the last. In fact, most guys would probably love a job like mine – most people would love to work in the environment that I do.  Let me paint the picture: I am the only male in an office of females – one out of six.

This isn’t the playboy mansion, nor is it all just giggles and butterflies. Let’s just say that occasionally, when the proverbial paw-paw hits the fan there is a saying that comes to mind: “Hell hath no fury like…” Well, you know the rest. It’s an interesting mix of fun but not without its challenges.

I have thus, set out to help my fellow man with this 7-day survival guide for making it through the hoards of oestrogen on any given day of the week. Follow these rules to reduce needless stress, maximise harmony and above all else, keep you off the menu.

Rule #1 – Be a gentleman
Unless you’re the boss, scrap that, even if you’re the boss, don’t be a tool. Treat every woman with respect, be courteous, keep your hygiene in check, dress accordingly, keep the R-rated language to a minimum, act like a grown up, remember your manners, and for crying out loud… hold open the door!

Rule #2 – Don’t kiss the hand that feeds you
I am all for being a gentleman, but you aren’t James Bond and every female colleague isn’t a potential bond girl. Don’t flirt with your female colleagues; these women are off-limits and the simple rule of ‘don’t bite the hand that feeds you’ is infinitely appropriate here. You don’t need the complication, so just don’t do it.

Rule #3 – Never take sides, ever
Listen, empathise and even be a shoulder to cry on, but never, under any circumstances, take one side over another. If one woman approaches you and complains about another, you listen to what she has to say, sympathise and then play dumb.

Rule #4 – Don’t dive in head first
Similar to rule number three, this requires you to test the waters and go with the flow, read the culture, and above all, never make a female colleague feel humiliated. Be wary not to make ripples too quickly, you don’t want to step on any toes.

Rule #5 – Be the lone wolf
Don’t feed off the politics, hypersensitivity and drama if there is any. Don’t  play favourites.

Rule #6 – To confide or not to confide
It can be difficult to keep to yourself when working in an office full of women, they tend to chatter about the weekend plans, enquire about your personal life and generally want to know all the details. If you are hell-bent on being a loner then the route is simple, never confide in the women you work with. Keep your conversations short, sweet, and strictly professional with as much fact-free personal information as possible. If on the other hand, if you ever want to ask for advice about a new place to eat or a gift for your significant other, you have a whole panel of experts ready and waiting. Pretty handy!

Rule #7 – Drop the beat
Become a DJ. Invest in a good pair of headphones, a mega playlist and become a DJ. No matter how well you may get on with the women in the office, there will be times or even days when you just can’t deal. Too many questions, too much banter or just a bad day, we all go through it. Instead of starting World War III by saying something you will regret, put on your headphones, crank up the jams, get into a zone and just work. Trust me when I say a good pair of headphones can save your insanity and your job.

My brothers in arms, there you have it, my survival tips to help guide you through the seemingly unconquerable female apocalypse. Follow these simple rules from Monday through to Friday, consume enough caffeine to keep you alert, food to sustain your energy levels, relax and rejuvenate on Saturday and Sunday, and prepare yourself again for the next five days of survival.


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